Conflict Resolution 101

Conflict Resolution 101 In my experience, both in church and outside of church, I have found that conflicts and conflict resolution occurs in extremely similar ways. Most of the time, it starts by someone bad mouthing another person. It then lands on the ears of someone in authority, who is expected to confront the person in question. The person in question is then approached by the authority, only to deny ever doing something wrong; consequently making everyone upset because it was all a big waste of time. I am sure that if you are a leader, or have ever been in a leadership position, you are probably shaking your pointy little head right now. And rightfully so, since this approach has been what I have always experienced, inside and outside a church. So next time this occurs, I would encourage you to follow this steps. When approached by someone with a complaint about another person, stopped them before you listen to them and ask them if you can call the person in question while you are discussing the complaint. This will most likely deter that person from ever again, coming to you with any kind of unfounded allegations. If you have not already noticed, church sometimes can be a hotspot for gossip and this is how you kill it. NOTE: In your secular job, this might not be appropriate. If you have a management position, you must ensure confidentiality in all complaints, whether they are true or not. You must also act neutrally, which ensures that every complaint is looked at from a non-biased perspective. Seek To Understand. This is one of Franklin-Covey’s principles normally taught in their professional development training. Understanding what the root of the problem is half the battle. Never assume, always as questions. As a rule of thumb, you should never assume and always ask at the very least 3 questions to seek clarification of the issue. This will confirm the issue, if there is one. If there is a misunderstanding, be ready to be the third-party facilitating the meeting where both parties come to a mutual understanding. Being a manager deals with…managing. Go figure. If the misunderstanding involves you, be ready to offer additional explanation – even if you feel you have been clear enough already. Avoid using phrases such as “As I have already said…” or “I already told you…” as this can make you sound bothered or not willing to work together to seek a mutual agreement. Once you reach agreement, ask for a commitment to follow through with the vision/purpose/task. In the business world, this is one of the most critical steps on gaining the buy-in from someone you are working with. Also, you must offer whatever support the individual needs in order to complete the tasks at hand. Finally, following up on your commitment to support the other individual is what will help you nurture that relationship. I understand that in many cases, especially when we are being criticized directly we will be reluctant to build a relationship with that person. This is where you must demonstrate a level of maturity and understanding that not everyone is out to get you. Sometimes we are wrong, and we must accept it, correct it, and move on. Self-awareness is something that effective leaders are in the habit of doing. They course-correct when needed, before it becomes an issue. Learning this discipline will save you millions of headaches later on. Coming to a resolution that is a WIN-WIN should always be the goal; however, this is not always possible. Learn to identify when it is necessary to pull rank, and manage people. Most of this issues will be derogatory behaviors, harassment issues, tardiness, attendance, etc., or anything else that will hurt or damage other people and/or the vision. I hope these tips are helpful, as they are good willed and have the only intention of helping you be successful in your ministry and your jobs.